Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
