i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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