i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
