OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
