I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
