Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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