And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
