you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
