shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
