Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
