OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
