Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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