Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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