he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
