WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
