There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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