i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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