His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
