I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
