No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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