There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
