lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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