splinters make it hard to masturbate
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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