My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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