The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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