I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
