I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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