Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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