I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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