atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
