i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
