I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
