Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
