my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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