Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we're making bets on your personal life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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