you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
