While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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