I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
