You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
