I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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