I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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