just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
