Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
