I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
