I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
