**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
