This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
