If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
