already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize