I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
