I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I accidentally burped into my bong.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
