Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
