nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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