I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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