she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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