New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
