is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
