Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Dear god my vagina.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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