I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
