i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
