lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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