i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
