So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
