the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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