Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
