Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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