My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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