walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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