you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
